Meet Our Landlord, Eric

Disclaimer: This entire post serves the purpose of making fun of our landlord. Let it be known that he is a very nice person, and this is all meant in a harmless sort of way with the purpose of making you smile. Now here is what I really think:

Our Landlord just came by to pick up February's rent. Today is February 20th. He is 20 days late. You see, he comes by every month to get rent from us so that he can check up on the house. Its kind of like having an RA, except RA's tell you what day to expect a room check. This guy is liable to pop over any time between the 25th-5th. That abouts 10 days worth of dreading his visit. And it is ALWAYS (with the exception of today) early in the morning. We so dread to hear his very unsubtle knock on the door that sends our dogs from fast asleep into a barking frenzy. This is the most miserable way to be woken up...startled out of sleep by someone banging on the door, followed by barking that makes your ear drums burst, and at last the realization that Eric is here. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't insist on coming in an "looking around" every time. Its not that we have anything to hide. It's just that we can't stand him. Luckily I was home alone today because when it is just me here he stays outside.

So I am just relaxing on the couch when I hear the banging followed by the barking. I then have to wrestle the dogs into their room before I can open the door, otherwise we would be on the news: "Pit Bull and Boxer Maul Landlord." I can just hear our red neck neighbors being interviewed. "It were crazy, ya know, them dawgs jus came a runnin out her and jus chewed em to paces."

Once the dogs are secured I open the door and step outside. I hand him the cash and wait for the receipt, hoping to avoid any conversation past "Hey, how ya doin?" I don't even know why I would entertain the thought of this being quick and painless. Of course he is going to want to chat, he always does. It's not that I don't like talking to people...I love socializing! It's just that, we have friends and family that we love...we don't feel the need to be friends with our landlord. Call us rude if you want, but you should meet him before you pass judgement. Anyway, while he is making small talk ("your dogs sure love me har har har") a car with two men in it drives by and parks at one of the other duplexes. Eric looks at me with a knowing sort of grin and says "Thats Jim and Dave. They are, uh, real sweet guys." I didn't catch on at first to what he was suggesting. So I said "Oh thats nice. I haven't ever met them." To which he replies "They probably come out of the house alot...wait a minute no they don't!" Then he laughs, and hits me in the arm with his receipt book. When he is walking off he yells "Hey have you met my daughter, Sammy." Yes Eric, I have. You introduce us to her every month when you come to get rent. Sometimes, you even bring her in our living room and make us bring the dogs out so she can pet them. We've met.

When I go inside the house, I think back on our conversation. I finally figure out that he was trying to clue me in to the fact that our neighbors are gay. Thats when I got his joke, about them staying inside all of the time. Good one, Eric.

Thats pretty much where the story ends. It wasn't too exciting, but I never said it would be. Just another day in the life of a young married couple. Oh, while I was writing this post, I saw a mouse poke its head out of the eye of my stove. I threw my remote control at it...now the remote control and batteries are scattered around the kitchen...they will probably stay there until Brennan gets home in 7 hours because there is no way I am walking over there knowing a mouse in waiting to pop out of the stove and look at me. Luckily I will be watching HGTV until then anyway, so there wont be a need to change the channel.